by Yann Girard — Get free updates of new posts hereTweet
I'm horrible at dating. I think I'm probably light years away of ever getting married. But if at one point in my life I stop being so bad at dating and might consider marriage for real, I already found a great teacher.
It's one of my all time favorite writers. James Altucher.
I'm not sure if he even knows about what he's doing there. If he really realized how brilliantly he and his wife Claudia manage their marriage. I actually briefly wrote about it a while ago in my post “Life explained through Technology”.
Let me summarize it here real quick.
Life, just like technology is about getting better and better every single day. It's about constant improvement. A while ago some smart people introduced the so called s-curves into the discipline of technology management.
They describe the process every new technology goes through.
As we all know technology gets better and better over time. Sometimes it improves our lives. Sometimes it makes our lives worse. But still, it gets better and better over time.
Usually, a technology's performance increases until it saturates and gets replaced by something new. Something even better. Something disruptive. The s-curves shift to the right and the old technology won't be used anymore.
Just like most marriages...
And that's exactly what happens in our lives. Every day we have to learn new things. Things that change our lives. Our personalities. The way we think about certain things. The way we feel.
And that's when couples usually start to grow apart. That's at least what happened to me over and over again.
You start to develop further. She starts to develop further. You start to change. You start to argue about the most meaningless things on this planet. And then you start to break things. Mostly hearts...
Only to realize that you developed into two completely opposite directions. The curve you were on together once is totally broken. You're not on the same curve anymore. You're on two different curves that go into different directions.
And then you decide to break up. Or cheat and then break up. Because this might make it easier for both of you. At least for one of you..
So what can you do to prevent this from happening? From growing apart?
That's where my buddy (he's not really my buddy, I actually don't even know him) James comes into play. So what does he do to save his marriage and make sure he and his wife stay on the same curve?
Here's what he/they do:
They both work on separate stuff. She's a yoga teacher and he's an entrepreneur/investor/blogger/writer/etc.
But they found one thing they can share together. One thing that helps them to stay on the same curve. They learn new things together.
Claudia, from time to time is with James on his podcast when he's interviewing incredibly successful people. So they both learn from that experience. They learn the same stuff. They make sure they stay on the same curve.
They wrote a book together. A really good one actually. And now Claudia published her first own book. Maybe James will also start teaching yoga at one point in time. I don't know.
So what can we learn here?
Well, what I learned here is that one possible way to make sure you're not growing apart is the willingness to learn new stuff from and together with your partner. Otherwise we might slide into different worlds and eventually completely drift apart.
And I know accepting this can be pretty tough. These days, a lot of relationships seem to be about competition, instead of team work. And if I say a lot I mean the ones I've been in.
Women want to be independent and prove their partners that they don't really need them (or anyone) anymore. And men always want to prove how awesome they are. And then you end up competing instead of working together and everything is a big mess.
So accepting the fact that you can actually learn something from and with your partner is really, really tough.
But if you don't, chances are quite high that you end up on different curves. And living a life on different curves seems almost impossible to me. And then you'll end up being replaced by someone new.
Someone that's on the same curve like the one your partner is on...